A Very Larry Christmas
by HeadlessHuntsman
Summary: It wouldn't be Christmas without Larry the Were-Squid. Rated T for language.
The North Pole

well, the dimension known as the North Pole

was alive with a myriad of activities, as always at this time of year. It was December 24th and the transdimensional creature known as Santa Claus was getting ready for his shadow riding trip delivering toys to the children of the multiverse.

Santa moved his large girth around the outside of his red sleigh. He went over the spatial shifters and the shadow boosters to make sure all systems were functioning.

Several small creatures with pointed ears and large round eyes teamed and swarmed behind the large man. They were packing a normal sized red felt bag with an impossible amount of packages of all sizes.

No one saw the shadows above Santa start to swirl until it was too late.

" _Mother puss bucket!_ " A gravelly voice screamed as a figure with wet fur and many tentacles slammed into Santa as though thrown at great speed. There was a sickening _crack_ as Santa's legs bent backwards.

The creature stood up and looked around. Santa moaned.

"Sorry Nancy, didn't see you there," it said, brushing off its pale leather duster. The wolf-furred beast felt something bounce off its back.

"What the fu..." It turned to face a barrage of baseballs, lawn darts, bowling balls, poodles and mercats. The small creatures had amassed to defend their leader. The beast shot out several tentacles, snatching up Santa by his red velvet coat.

"Look you little buggers, back off or the fat man..." Larry looked for the first time at the man he had injured.

"Santa?" He asked.

Santa had grown pale, as his legs were still bent at unnatural angles.

"So that makes this place..." Larry looked around. "The North Pole?"

Santa nodded.

"Fuck me." Larry dropped Santa back to the ground.

Santa pushed himself to a sitting position. "Please help us, Larry Lupin," he said. "You're our only hope."

Larry looked shocked. "How do you know who I am?"

"I know who everyone is," Santa said. "I need your help."

"Sorry sunshine, but I'm rubbish at healing spells."

"Not that," Santa shook his head. "You're a creature of shadow."

Larry's gaze grew cold. "I can shadow walk, but I am no longer a creature of shadow." As he spoke his face took on a wolfish appearance.

"That I imagine is a very important distinction, to you." Santa's creatures were helping him into a wheelchair.

"Are those elves?" Larry asked. Another baseball bounced off the back of his head. " _Hey!_ Tell them to quit it." His voice had a growl under it.

Santa held up his hand and the barrage of toys stopped. "They are brownies," Santa sighed. "The stories always get that part wrong, and they're a bit sensitive about it."

One of the brownies started pulling Santa's legs straight. He grimaced as the creature set and splinted his broken legs. A brownie dressed in a black leather jacket and its hair combed into a pompadour handed Santa a glass of eggnog. Santa swallowed the contents in one gulp.

"Ah, that's better." Santa handed the glass back and sighed. "This is Marvin, my right hand brownie."

" _Mar_ vin?" Larry arched his eyebrows.

"You expected a silly name ending in a -y sound? These aren't elves," Santa said. "He will show you what needs to be done."

"I haven't said I'm going to do anything," said Larry.

"You will help." Santa adjusted his position in the wheelchair.

"How can you be so sure I won't just leave?"

Santa smiled."Because you are no longer a creature of shadow."

"What does my shadow walking have to do with anything?"

"Well how else did you think I can visit all the homes on my list in one night? I harness and ride the shadow." Santa peered over his bifocals. "Just like you, Larry."

Larry glared back at Santa. "So how did I end up here, anyway?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

"I don't really know. Possibly it was chance, or possibly it's your destiny."

Larry's face grew even more wolfish. "Don't say that word!"

Santa chuckled and gestured Marvin to wheel him closer to Larry. "Seeing that my current condition is your fault, I think it's only fair that you take over for me."

"Take over?" Larry rubbed his forehead with a tentacle.

"For tonights rounds, of course." Santa wheeled over to the sleigh.

"This will help you travel the multiverse. Luckily most of the path is automated. You only need to personally handle a very small part." Santa pulled a small personal tablet from his jacket and punched the screen a couple of times. He held out the device to Larry. "Here is your list. Luckily there are only a few thousand names tonight."

"Few _thousand_?"

"Yes, I know it's a sadly small number. You should have no trouble with it." Santa turned his chair away from Larry. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go spend a Christmas with the Mrs." Santa allowed himself to be wheeled away by the brownies.

Several other brownies brought out a red velvet suit with fur-trimmed openings for Larry's tentacles. There was harness with the suit, for the ever-present Axe of Woe. Marvin stood to one side patiently cleaning his fingernails with a switchblade as the brownies dressed Larry in his new suit.

The brownies cleared a path to the 'sleigh', which now looked like a '58 Cadillac convertible. The car gleamed cherry red with white trim and a hunter green interior.

Larry smiled reluctantly. "Very cool."

"It shifts to match its owner, baby." Marvin crooned. "Ok, listen up. This is how the thing works." He opened the driver's side door. Larry leaned in and saw an array of dials and switches. "All you need to do is focus your power through the screen," Marvin said, tapping a large red and green flashing screen. "This sweet machine will take care of the rest."

"That's great, but how do I know where I'm going?"

"You don't need to. This beauty is automated. It'll take you to all the P.A.s all by itself."

"'P.A.s'?" Larry asked.

"Personal Appearances, baby." Marvin explained, closing the door and leaning against the car. "Gotta keep the myth alive ya know."

"So all I have to do is shift through shadows and deliver presents to the 'few thousand' names on the list?" Larry waved the tablet.

"Yeah, that's it baby. Just keep takin' care of business all night long."

"Sounds easy." Larry's eyes narrowed. "Almost too easy. The last time something was presented to me as 'easy' I ended up fighting a fifty-foot tall Death Goddess bent on universal destruction."

"This should be a cinch compared to that," Marvin said.

"So how do I start?"

"Just climb in and make with the shadow walking, baby. The rest should take care of itself."

Larry adjusted his velvet suit and then jumped into the driver's seat without opening the door. "I've always wanted to do that," he said. He started shifting the shadows about him.

"One last thing," Marvin said as shadows gathered. "Watch out for the Demons of Humbuggery."

"Demons?" Larry fished a cigarette out of his pocket and sighed. Why couldn't it ever be easy? He lit the cigarette with the car's lighter. "That figures," he growled, blowing smoke out his nose. He shifted to drive, punched the acclerator and peeled off into the shadows.

But he heard Marvin say, before he drove out of sight, "It wouldn't be Christmas without demons, baby."

* * *

Author's Note:

Season's greetings to all the people of the Teacher's Lounge and to my loyal readers. Hope everyone is doing well. This is a short story I've been wrestling with for a while now. Hope you enjoy it. Everyone take care and have a safe holiday season. ~Headlesshorseman

Poster's Note:

I'm obviously late posting this for Mark. Without getting into the details, it was not a good Christmas season (Or spring either), so Mark's story sat on my desk for far too long. My apologies to Mark and all of his fans. I hope you enjoy his story.


End file.
